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Precision is the domain of the author. As the creator of our worlds and our characters, we don’t have to wallow in the quagmire of vague details and fuzzy ideas. We can make statements of authority because, if we’re not the authority in our stories, who is? Vague writing is weak writing. Take a look at the following examples:
- Maddock looked at the wall, which seemed to be smeared with spaghetti sauce.
- The bomb fell approximately ten or twelve feet away from me.
- Elle was about forty-five minutes late for her dentist appointment when a cop pulled her over, apparently for speeding.
- Mark’s figures revealed that the addition to the house would take up roughly fifty square feet.
Maddock looked at the wall, which was smeared with spaghetti sauce.
Unless you’re using “spaghetti sauce” to conceal the substance’s true identity (perhaps it’s blood, and you’ve a reason for delaying Maddock’s realization of this fact), don’t tell readers what something “seemed” like. Just tell them what it is.The bomb fell ten feet away from me.
Does the narrating character know that the bomb is exactly ten feet away from him? Probably not. But, because readers will understand that the narrator is making an educated guess, and because readers don’t care whether the bomb is ten feet away or twelve feet away, save yourself the extra words and the unnecessary dithering.Elle was forty-five minutes late for her dentist appointment when a cop pulled her over for speeding.
Again, it’s probably not important whether Elle was forty-four, forty-five, or forty-six minutes late. And it’s not important to let the reader know that the narrator isn’t certain the number was exactly forty-five. Similarly, unless there’s a good reason for the narrator’s having to guess why the cop pulled her over, go ahead and delete the “apparently.” Most of the time, readers don’t care about what appeared to happen, only what did happen.Mark’s figures revealed that the addition to the house would take up fifty square feet.
Would the word “roughly” really add anything to this sentence? If the exact figure is more or less than fifty feet, and that exact figure is important to the story, go ahead and state the exact figure. If not, just round up or down to a precise number.Occasionally, your story will demand vague phrasing for plot reasons. But, in the instances in which ambiguities aren’t necessary, save your readers from the boredom and possible confusion of the following words:
- Seem
- Approximately
- About
- Appear
- Look as if
- Roughly
- More or less
- Give or take
- Almost
- Nearly
Tell me your opinion: What words and phrases do you feel are unnecessarily vague?
Related Posts: Most Common Mistakes Series #1: Are Your Verbs Showing or Telling?
Most Common Mistakes Series #2: Are You Using "There" as a Crutch?
Most Common Mistakes Series #3: Are You Confusing Readers With Poor Cause and Effect?
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Story by K.M. Weiland
Tags: generality , Grammar , most common mistakes , prose , specificity , style
Hi K.M.
Often, my first draft contains many of the vague words or phrases that you've cited. They are easy to spot and remove during editing. I agree that they do weaken writing. So the question is: Why do I use them in the first place? I haven't come up with an answer to that question yet, so editing before posting is a must.
I've just subscribed to your podcasts on iTunes. I have enjoyed listening to them when I visit your site, but I think that I will get to listen to them more often now that they are delivered to my iPod.
Ray
It seems like you appear to have a problem with some words being used in fiction writing. It looks more or less as if you are almost going to get annoyed, give or take, with anybody who uses some of these words. Am I approximately on the right track and thus have I roughly anticipated your attitude towards these words; or do you think I'm wrong or only nearly wrong?
Excellent blog. I had some fun with these words :) I use 'seem' far too often so I use the search command to find them when I have written - a useful editing tool. Spell check is useful also then I might learn to spell attitude better. :)
@Ray: Glad you're enjoying the podcasts! You're right - the good thing about vague words and phrasings is that removing them is usually just a simple matter of running a Find in Word.
@Christopher: You seem to be roughly on the right track - give or take a phrase or two. ;)
One reason (excuse?) for using vague words is to stay in the POV.
Would the POV character be confident the bomb fell exactly ten feet away? Probably not. But would he care?
The solution is to think more like the character.
Most people don't measure in feet. What about car-length; compact-car-length; moving-van-length; knocked me off my feet; four steps; two bodies; dog-leash; or covered me in dust / splinters / bricks?
Even if he does think in feet (real estate agents, long-jump athlete), would he care about the measurement error? Sometimes. In the moment, probably not, unless he's programming a bomb-disposal robot. In a legal charge, probably yes, so the defense won't quibble over the measurement error.
Oh boy, the "should, would, could" factor! My first drafts are infested with this kind of language. By the second draft they are gone, never to be seen again.
Most of the time... :D
@Cricket: Staying in POV is always key. If being vague shows something important about a character's personality, definitely leave it in.
@ralfast: Good for you! Thank heavens for second drafts, eh?
Seem and almost are mine. At a class I attended, the tutor pointed out how things couldn't be "Almost" anything. Your character either did or didn't do something. Writing "she almost got there in time" could be simplified into "she was late". Definitely one of the best pieces of writing advice I've ever had!
Wow!! Thanks for all the advice!!! I will just keep a note of this all!!
Thanks for listing the words instead of just telling all the advice!!
with warm regards
http://becomingprince.blogspot.com
I think the word 'very' is vague. I read a quote from Mark Twain: "Write 'Damn' every time you are tempted to write 'Very.' Your editor will scratch it out, and you'll be left with the sentence you ought to have written."
Since then, I scratch 'Very' out every time I write it, and every time, it strengthens the sentence more than weakens it. Thank you Mark Twain. And Thank you for the post!
Uh-oh, I use "seem" or "seemed" too much! thanks for such a helpful post.
I'm wondering if these words turn up a lot because they're common in business writing. I edit a newsletter, and people just don't want to commit, so they add the weasel words.
@Miss Cole: It's kind of akin to Yoda's immortal wisdom: "Do or do not. There is no try."
@AllMyPosts: Specific lists are always more helpful in my opinion. Glad you found it useful!
@T.R.: Yes, very vague. ;) Mark Twain's advice rarely goes amiss.
@Elizabeth: The good news is that now that you've figured it out, it's an easy issue to fix.
@Linda: Interesting observation. Makes sense to me!
Oh man, I didn't even realize I use the "looks as if" on just about every page! *off to delete*
Thanks for this!!
Amazing how these insidious little phrases sneak in without us even being aware of them, isn't it?
Oh I am SO guilty of this!! Ahh. Great post, and grat advice, as usual ;o) Thank you for this. Off to scan the WIP again!! LOL
We certainly give our Find tools a good workout, don't we? Gotta wonder what writers did before them!
I just searched my last completed rough draft for these words. *wince* In 105 pages I have 240 abouts. I look forward to avoiding them in my next draft!
Thanks for doing this series. It is making me eager to finish my first draft so I can start editing!
Better late than never on fixing 'em!
Thanks for this! I love the comments, too.
I find that I don't want to "commit" to things, so I add in those vague qualifiers sometimes, too.
Another great article. One of my favorite things about your posts is that you don't just talk about what we should and shouldn't do. You always share multiple examples and that makes it easier to grasp whatever lesson you're sharing. Thanks for another good one.
Great post, as always. I'm going to have to do a search for the word "seem" in my WIP.
@Sarah: As writers, we like to cover our bases. We may be *pretty* sure of a fact, but, just in case, we're wrong we'll stick in a qualifier. But the truth is: We either need to do the necessary research to be sure, or we need to just lie so convincingly that readers never even think about doubting us.
@Lee: You're very welcome! I'm glad you find the examples helpful.
Great article! I find that I'm prone to use vague words when I get tired and don't want to work at precise wording.
Thanks for the list. Now I can go edit my last story and groan.
@Katie: You know, I haven't done a search like that in a while myself. I should probably run one too!
@Karen: Editing and groaning - two actions that are often very productive when done together!
I've had to remove plenty of these words from my manuscript, and I'll bet I can delete more. Thanks.
Thanks for the great reminders. And now, for fear of becoming vague or weak, I'll just begin editing.
Thanks for the great reminders. And now, for fear of becoming vague or weak, I'll just begin editing.
Get that red pen out and start wielding! :D
@Julie: Have fun! The last thing a writer can afford is to appear weak or vague - unless, of course, he's dealing with an intentionally weak or vague character.
I'm always looking for ways to tighten my story. Thanks for the word list.
Tight stories are usually excellent stories. Here's to all of us achieving that goal!
I've had to go through and consciously remove a bunch of imprecise words for the very reasons you've specified out of my stories. "About" is one of my biggies, but so is "just" combined with "about"! :) You have to be precise when writing mysteries, although a little obfuscation by imprecision can make good red herrings. ;)
"Just" was a word that an early editor jumped on me for overusing. I like to think I'm slightly more aware of it now days!
So true, so true! I use "seems" a lot, but I usually notice it. Still, I need to be better about getting it out of my prose.
Most vague words do a good job blending into the wallpaper. We don't notice them, readers don't notice them. What we *do* notice is the effect they have on our prose.
It's taken a while to see it but once I matured as a writer I see writing like those and I feel it more than I read it. When I'm reviewing something I come across them and I feel it before I identify the ambiguous statements. It's a fondness for adverbs.
Adverbs (and adjectives) are like candy. We love them, but they're not necessarily good for us.
You've listed key indicators of diluted writing. I can't think of another word to add to this very useful list of culprits, but will save it as a reference to perform global searches on my own manuscripts. I've always been weary of "seems" and "about" and any word with an -ly ending. Why make broth when you can have stew, something the reader can get their teeth into?
That's a great analogy! Personally, I've never been into broth. But stew... mmm!